Monday, December 10, 2012

How Can I Get More Sleep?

The Bible says: “Better is a handful of rest than a double handful of hard work and striving after the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 4:6) Without proper sleep, your performance will nosedive!

“If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m out of it. I have trouble focusing on anything!”—Rachel, 19.
“At about 2:00 p.m., I get so tired that I could almost fall asleep in the middle of a conversation!”—Kristine, 19.

Do you need to get more sleep? Here’s what some of your peers have done.

Avoid late nights. “I’ve been making an effort to get to bed at a decent hour,” says 18-year-old Catherine.

Cut out the chatter. “Sometimes friends will call or text me really late,” says Richard, aged 21, “but I’ve recently learned to end the conversation and just go to sleep.”

Aim for consistency. “Lately,” says 20-year-old Jennifer, “I’m trying to go to bed and get up at the same time every day.”

Secret to Success: Strive to get at least eight hours of sleep each night.

You have everything to gain by taking just a few simple steps to get more sleep. Remember, having good health will help you to look better, feel great, and perform at your best.

Unlike certain things in life, your physical condition is something over which you do have a degree of control. “In the end,” says 19-year-old Erin, “your health depends on only one person—you.”

Dealing With Debt

Giannis: * “My business collapsed during the Greek financial crisis, so we could no longer keep up with our mortgage and credit-card payments. I couldn’t sleep because of the stress.”

Katerina: “We had built our home with love, and I couldn’t bear the thought of losing it. Giannis and I fought many times about how we would deal with our debt.”

DEBT can strain or even destroy a family. For example, researcher Jeffrey Dew found that couples in debt spend less time together, have more fights, and are less happy. Compared with other topics, arguments about debt and finances last longer, generate more yelling and hitting, and are more likely to carry over into other issues. It is no surprise, then, that the leading cause of divorce in the United States is disagreements about money.

Excessive debt also brings health risks, such as insomnia, headaches, stomachaches, heart attacks, and depression. A wife named Marta relates: “My husband, Luís, was so depressed about our debt that he slept most of the day. The man I had always relied on had become helpless.” For some, the stress becomes unbearable. For example, BBC News reported that a wife in southeastern India committed suicide after falling behind on payments for loans totaling the equivalent of $840 (U.S.). She had borrowed the money to pay for her children’s medical treatment.

What if your family is under stress because of debt? Let us consider some common challenges that couples face in dealing with debt and look at Bible principles that can help you to meet them.

CHALLENGE 1: We blame each other.

“I accused my wife of wasteful spending,” admits Lukasz, “while she complained that we would have enough money if I had a job that provided year-round work.” How can a couple keep debts from driving them apart?

A key to success: Work together against debt.

It will not help matters if you vent anger on your mate—even if you had no part in incurring the debt. Now, perhaps more than ever, the Bible’s counsel at Ephesians 4:31 applies: “Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you along with all badness.”

Fight the debt, not each other. A husband named Stephanos describes how he and his wife worked together: “We viewed our debt as a mutual enemy.” Such cooperation is in harmony with Proverbs 13:10, which says: “By presumptuousness one only causes a struggle, but with those consulting together there is wisdom.” Rather than presumptuously trying to solve things on your own, talk candidly about financial problems and then act unitedly.

Your children can join in the effort. A father named Edgardo, in Argentina, describes his family’s experience: “My young son wanted a new bicycle, but we explained to him why we couldn’t afford it. Instead, we gave him a bike that had belonged to his grandfather, and he enjoyed riding it very much. I learned the value of working together as a family.”

TRY THIS: Arrange a time to talk openly and calmly about your debt. Acknowledge any mistakes you may have made. Rather than dwelling on the past, though, try to agree on principles that will guide your future financial decisions.—Psalm 37:21; Luke 12:15.

CHALLENGE 2: Getting out of debt seems impossible.

“I had run up a large debt in my business, which was made even worse by the financial crisis in Argentina,” recalls Enrique. “Then my wife needed surgery. I felt that I could never get out of debt, as though I were trapped in a spiderweb.” A man named Roberto, in Brazil, lost all his savings in a business venture and was in debt to 12 banks. He says: “I was almost too embarrassed to face my friends. I felt like a loser.”

What can you do if you feel overwhelmed by discouragement, guilt, or shame about your debt?

A key to success: Take control of your finances. *

1. Determine your current budget. Keep a record of all money moving in or out of your household for two weeks—or a month, if that is more practical. Add to this record expenses such as taxes, insurance, or clothing, which may occur much less frequently, and use monthly averages for them.

2. Increase your income. You could take on extra shifts at your current job, perform seasonal work, tutor a student, recycle, or make your hobby into a home business. Caution: Take care not to allow work to encroach on activities that are more important, such as your spiritual routine.

Find practical ways to deal with debt as a family

3. Reduce your expenses. Buy an item only if you need it, not just because it is on sale. (Proverbs 21:5) “Waiting to buy is good,” says Enrique, quoted above, “since it helps you to decide if you really need the item or just want it.” Here are some additional tips.

Housing: If possible, move into a residence with a smaller monthly payment. Reduce your utility costs by conserving electricity, water, and heat.
Food: Pack a lunch or snack instead of eating out regularly. Use grocery coupons and other special offers. “I save on fruits and vegetables if I shop at street markets just before they close,” says Joelma, in Brazil.
Transportation: Sell nonessential vehicles, and maintain what you have instead of quickly trading in for newer models. Use public transportation, or walk whenever you can.

After you reduce your expenses, you are ready to make the best use of your remaining money.

4. Analyze your debt and act. First, determine for each debt the interest rate, the fees, the impact of a late or missed payment, and the possibility that a payment is already overdue. Examine the wording of the loan or bill carefully, since creditors may be deceptive. For example, one short-term loan service in the United States stated that its interest rate was 24 percent, when, in fact, it was over 400 percent.

Next, determine the order in which you will tackle your debts. One approach is to pay toward debt with the highest interest rate first. Another option is to pay off smaller balances first, since receiving fewer bills each month will likely boost your morale. If you have loans with a high interest rate, you might benefit by getting a new loan at a lower rate to pay off the existing ones.

Finally, if you cannot meet your obligations, try to negotiate new payment plans with your creditors. You could ask for an extension or a lower interest rate. Some creditors may even be willing to reduce what you owe if you can pay the lower amount in full right now. Be honest and courteous in explaining your financial situation. (Colossians 4:6; Hebrews 13:18) Put any agreements in writing. Even if your first request is not successful, be willing to persist in asking for an adjustment if necessary.—Proverbs 6:1-5.

Of course, you will need to be realistic as you manage your finances. Even the best plan can fail as a result of factors beyond your control, since money often “makes wings for itself like those of an eagle and flies away toward the heavens.”—Proverbs 23:4, 5.

TRY THIS: Once you have prepared an initial budget, discuss how everyone can reduce expenses or increase the family’s income. Seeing one another’s sacrifices can help to pull you together in the fight against debt.

CHALLENGE 3: Debt consumes our thinking.

The struggle to deal with debt can crowd out more important aspects of life. As a man named Georgios put it, “the biggest problem was that our whole life revolved around our debts. Matters that should have had priority got pushed into the background.”

A key to success: Keep money in its proper place.

In spite of your best efforts, you may be paying your creditors for many years. In the meantime, you can choose how you will view your circumstances. Rather than being obsessed with money or the lack of it, we are wise to heed the Bible’s advice: “Having sustenance and covering, we shall be content with these things.”—1 Timothy 6:8.

Contentment brings joy that possessions cannot

Being content with your financial situation allows you to “make sure of the more important things.” (Philippians 1:10) These “more important things” include your friendship with God and with your family. Georgios, quoted above, says: “Even though we have not completely paid back our debts, they are no longer the focal point of our life. Our marriage is happier now that we spend more time with our children, with each other, and in spiritual activities together.”

TRY THIS: List things that are truly valuable to you and that money cannot buy. Next, determine how to increase the time and energy you devote to each item on your list.

Debt problems create stress, and dealing with them calls for sacrifices; yet the results are worth the effort. A husband named Andrzej, in Poland, admits: “When I learned that my wife had guaranteed a large loan for a workmate who then vanished without repaying, our home atmosphere was tense, to say the least.” Looking back on how he and his wife responded, though, he says: “We actually became more united—not by the problem itself, but by working together to solve it.”

ASK YOURSELF . . .

How can I help my family to get out of debt?
How can we keep our debt from dominating or even destroying our relationship?

The Bible—A Book of Accurate Prophecy

The Bible—A Book of Accurate Prophecy—

“Let Your Kingdom Come”

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This is the final article in an eight-part series in Awake! examining an outstanding feature of the Bible—its prophecies, or predictions. The articles set out to answer these questions: Are Bible prophecies merely the work of clever humans? Do they bear the hallmark of divine inspiration? We invite you to weigh the evidence.

FOR some two thousand years, professed Christians have been praying for God’s Kingdom to come. The practice is based on Jesus’ own words. He taught his disciples to pray: “Let your kingdom come. Let your will take place, as in heaven, also upon earth.”—Matthew 6:10.

What is the Kingdom for which so many people pray? It is God’s heavenly government, and it will replace all other governments. As the appointed King of this Kingdom, Jesus Christ carries out God’s will in heaven and on earth. (Daniel 2:44; 7:13, 14) In due time, God will answer this model prayer by bringing an end to wickedness and suffering and providing salvation for an unnumbered “great crowd” of loyal worshippers. (Revelation 7:9, 10, 13-17) Then, “the righteous themselves will possess the earth, and they will reside forever upon it.”—Psalm 37:29.

Is there any way of knowing what specific conditions we can anticipate under Christ’s rule? There certainly is! When Jesus was on earth, he demonstrated both his desire to solve mankind’s problems and his ability to do so. Let us examine four Bible prophecies and consider how Jesus provided foregleams of what he will do earth wide as King in God’s heavenly Kingdom.

Prophecy 1:

“Jehovah . . . is making wars to cease to the extremity of the earth. The bow he breaks apart and does cut the spear in pieces; the wagons he burns in the fire.”—Psalm 46:8, 9.

Fulfillment: Jesus Christ, the “Peaceable Prince,” will bring permanent tranquillity to our planet. By means of a peaceful program of education and global disarmament, God’s Kingdom will unite all mankind in one true international brotherhood.—Isaiah 2:2-4; 9:6, 7, footnote; 11:9.

What history reveals:

Jesus taught his followers, not to take up arms, but to live at peace with one another. When one of his disciples tried to come to his defense with weapon in hand, Jesus said to him: “Return your sword to its place, for all those who take the sword will perish by the sword.” (Matthew 26:51, 52) Jesus stated that true Christians would be identified by the love they show for one another.—John 13:34, 35.

Prophecy 2:

“There will come to be plenty of grain on the earth; on the top of the mountains there will be an overflow.”—Psalm 72:16.

Fulfillment: God’s Kingdom will eradicate malnutrition, food shortages, and starvation. Everyone will have an abundance of good food.

What history reveals:

Jesus’ sincere compassion for hungry people was clearly evident, and his miraculous ability to feed large crowds was awe-inspiring. One eyewitness reported: “[Jesus] commanded the crowds to recline on the grass and took the five loaves and two fishes, and, looking up to heaven, he said a blessing and, after breaking the loaves, he distributed them to the disciples, the disciples in turn to the crowds. So all ate and were satisfied, and they took up the surplus of fragments, twelve baskets full. Yet those eating were about five thousand men, besides women and young children.”—Matthew 14:14, 19-21.

Prophecy 3:

“No resident will say: ‘I am sick.’” (Isaiah 33:24) “The eyes of the blind ones will be opened, and the very ears of the deaf ones will be unstopped. At that time the lame one will climb up just as a stag does, and the tongue of the speechless one will cry out in gladness.”—Isaiah 35:5, 6.

Fulfillment: God’s Kingdom will wipe out every kind of disease and infirmity. The blind will see, and the deaf will hear and speak. Never again will anyone need medication, hospitals, or doctors.

What history reveals:

When Jesus taught people about God’s Kingdom, he gladly cured all their diseases and disabilities. Thus, on a small scale, Jesus demonstrated what he will do earth wide as King of God’s heavenly Kingdom.—Luke 7:22; 9:11.

Prophecy 4:

God “will actually swallow up death forever.”—Isaiah 25:8.

Fulfillment: During Christ’s rule as King of God’s Kingdom, “those in the memorial tombs” will be resurrected to life on a paradise earth. (John 5:28, 29) Jesus will vanquish death, our most relentless enemy, enabling us to enjoy everlasting life.—Psalm 37:29.

What history reveals:

On at least three occasions, Jesus demonstrated his power by bringing a dead person back to life. (Luke 7:11-15; 8:41-55; John 11:38-44) After Jesus himself died, some 500 eyewitnesses could testify that he had been raised from the dead.—1 Corinthians 15:3-8.

This eight-part series of articles has discussed numerous Bible prophecies that have come true. All those prophecies, along with many others, show that the Bible is not merely the work of clever humans. Rather, it bears the hallmark of divine inspiration. There can be no doubt that “everything in the Scriptures is God’s Word.”—2 Timothy 3:16, Contemporary English Version.

Because the Bible is a book of unerring prophecy, you have every reason to believe that “just a little while longer, and the wicked one will be no more; and you will certainly give attention to his place, and he will not be. But the meek ones themselves will possess the earth, and they will indeed find their exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.”—Psalm 37:10, 11.

Was the Word “God” or “a god”?

THAT question has to be considered when Bible translators handle the first verse of the Gospel of John. In the New World Translation, the verse is rendered: “In the beginning the Word was, and the Word was with God, and the Word was a god.” (John 1:1) Some other translations render the last part of the verse to convey the thought that the Word was “divine,” or something similar. (A New Translation of the Bible, by James Moffatt; The New English Bible) Many translations, however, render the last part of John 1:1: “And the Word was God.”—The Holy Bible—New International Version; The Jerusalem Bible.

Greek grammar and the context strongly indicate that the New World Translation rendering is correct and that “the Word” should not be identified as the “God” referred to earlier in the verse. Nevertheless, the fact that the Greek language of the first century did not have an indefinite article (“a” or “an”) leaves the matter open to question in some minds. It is for this reason that a Bible translation in a language that was spoken in the earliest centuries of our Common Era is very interesting.

The language is the Sahidic dialect of Coptic. The Coptic language was spoken in Egypt in the centuries immediately following Jesus’ earthly ministry, and the Sahidic dialect was an early literary form of the language. Regarding the earliest Coptic translations of the Bible, The Anchor Bible Dictionary says: “Since the [Septuagint] and the [Christian Greek Scriptures] were being translated into Coptic during the 3d century C.E., the Coptic version is based on [Greek manuscripts] which are significantly older than the vast majority of extant witnesses.”

The Sahidic Coptic text is especially interesting for two reasons. First, as indicated above, it reflects an understanding of Scripture dating from before the fourth century, which was when the Trinity became official doctrine. Second, Coptic grammar is relatively close to English grammar in one important aspect. The earliest translations of the Christian Greek Scriptures were into Syriac, Latin, and Coptic. Syriac and Latin, like the Greek of those days, do not have an indefinite article. Coptic, however, does. Moreover, scholar Thomas O. Lambdin, in his work Introduction to Sahidic Coptic, says: “The use of the Coptic articles, both definite and indefinite, corresponds closely to the use of the articles in English.”

Hence, the Coptic translation supplies interesting evidence as to how John 1:1 would have been understood back then. What do we find? The Sahidic Coptic translation uses an indefinite article with the word “god” in the final part of John 1:1. Thus, when rendered into modern English, the translation reads: “And the Word was a god.” Evidently, those ancient translators realized that John’s words recorded at John 1:1 did not mean that Jesus was to be identified as Almighty God. The Word was a god, not Almighty God.

What Is a Real Man?

Young People Ask

What Is a Real Man?

“My father died when I was three years old. Sometimes I feel envious of boys who grew up with a father in their life. They seem to be a lot more confident than I am.”—Alex. *

“My relationship with my father is minimal. I’ve had to learn on my own what it means to be a real man.”—Jonathan.

CAN you relate to the statements of the young men quoted above? Do you fear, for one reason or another, that you’ll never learn what it means to be a real man? If so, don’t despair!

Consider how you can overcome two common challenges.

CHALLENGE 1: Popular misconceptions about manhood

What some people say:

Real men are tough; they don’t cry.
Real men don’t let anyone tell them what to do.
Men are better than women.

Another way to look at it: Manhood is the opposite of boyhood—not the opposite of womanhood. You become a real man when you leave behind the traits of a child. The Christian apostle Paul wrote: “When I was a babe, I used to speak as a babe, to think as a babe, to reason as a babe; but now that I have become a man, I have done away with the traits of a babe.” (1 Corinthians 13:11) In other words, the more you replace childish ways of thinking, speaking, and acting with mature ways of thinking, speaking, and acting, the more you prove yourself to be a real man. *

Try this: On a sheet of paper, write down your answers to the following questions:

In what areas have I already made progress in putting away “the traits of a babe”?
In what areas can I improve?

Suggested reading: Luke 7:36-50. See how Jesus proved himself to be a real man by (1) standing up for what was right and (2) treating others—including women—with respect.

“I admire my friend, Ken. He is a strong man—physically, emotionally, and spiritually—but also a kind man. His example has taught me that a real man doesn’t put other people down just to raise himself up.”—Jonathan.

CHALLENGE 2: Lack of a wholesome father figure

What some people say:

If your father isn’t in the picture, you’ll never really learn what it means to be a man.
If your father set a poor example, you’re doomed to repeat his mistakes.

Another way to look at it: Even if you’ve had a less-than-ideal childhood, you are not doomed to fail! You can rise above your circumstances. (2 Corinthians 10:4) You can choose to follow King David’s advice to his son Solomon: “Be strong and prove yourself to be a man.”—1 Kings 2:2.

Admittedly, it can be difficult to grow up with an inattentive father—or no father at all. “Not knowing your father is a huge disadvantage in life,” says Alex, quoted at the outset. “I’m 25, but I feel as if I’m just now learning things that I should have learned in my early teens.” If you feel similar to the way Alex does, what can you do about it?

Try this: Find a mentor—someone who sets a good example as a man. * Ask him which qualities he believes are especially important in a real man. Then ask him how you can develop those qualities in yourself.—Proverbs 1:5.

Suggested reading: Proverbs chapters 1-9. Notice the fatherly advice that can help a boy to grow into a wise, spiritual man.

“I’m proud of the man I’m becoming. Although I wish my father had been a part of my progress, I’m optimistic about the future. I’m convinced that I am not doomed to fail.”—Jonathan.

WHY NOT ASK YOUR PARENTS?

What, do you think, defines a real man? How am I doing when it comes to maturity?

A NOTE TO PARENTS

FATHERS—

To a large extent, your son will base his definition of what it means to be a man on your example. If you treat your wife with respect, you are teaching your son to treat women with respect. If you work hard to provide for your family—even if doing so requires doing menial or tiring work—you are teaching your son to work hard and to be responsible.—1 Timothy 5:8.
Perhaps your relationship with your own father was less than ideal. Maybe your father didn’t have a good relationship with his father. But remember: You have a chance to break the cycle. Don’t waste that opportunity! Choose to stay close to your son. * Set a good example for him, and he may well grow up to be a real man—a man whom you will be proud to call your son.—Proverbs 23:24.

MOTHERS—

How can you help your son grow to be a real man? Avoid making unfavorable comparisons to your husband. Suppose, for example, that your son makes a mistake that reminds you of your husband. You might be tempted to blurt out: “Stop that! You’re being just like your father!” Granted, you are right to counsel your son for his mistake. But remember: If your words or actions imply that everything your husband does is wrong, you may unwittingly hinder your son’s growth into manhood.
Support your husband’s involvement in his son’s life. Encourage them to spend time together, and look for opportunities to highlight your husband’s positive qualities and the good things that he does. Does he work hard to provide for the family? Does he spend time with his children? Does he treat others with respect? Let your son know how much you appreciate those things. Such comments will help your son to learn from the good aspects of his father’s example.

Surviving the First Year of Marriage

Surviving the First Year of Marriage

He says: “I am surprised to find that my wife and I are so different! For example, I like to get up early, but she likes to stay up late. As for her changes of mood, those baffle me! And another thing—when I cook, she becomes so critical, especially of the way I clean my hands on the dishcloth.”
She says: “My husband is a man of few words. But I’m used to my family. They talk a lot, particularly at mealtimes. And when my husband cooks, he uses the same cloth to dry the dishes and to clean his hands! That irritates me! Why are men so difficult to understand? How do people make a marriage succeed?”

IF YOU are newly married, have you faced similar challenges? Does it seem that your mate suddenly has acquired faults and foibles that were absent when you were dating? How can you reduce the impact of the “everyday troubles that married people will have”?—1 Corinthians 7:28, Today’s English Version.

First, do not expect that just because you exchanged wedding vows, you and your spouse become instant experts at married life. You might have acquired valuable social skills when you were single, and they might have improved while you were dating. However, marriage will test those skills in new ways and will likely require that you gain new ones. Will you make mistakes? Certainly. Can you gain the skills you need? Absolutely!

The best way to improve any skill is to consult an expert on the subject and then to apply the advice he gives. The foremost expert on marriage is Jehovah God. After all, he is the One who created us with the desire to marry. (Genesis 2:22-24) Note how his Word, the Bible, can help you overcome challenges and acquire the skills you need to make your marriage last beyond the first year.

SKILL 1. LEARN TO CONSULT TOGETHER

What are the challenges?

Keiji, * a husband who lives in Japan, sometimes forgot that his decisions affected his spouse. “I would accept invitations without consulting my wife,” he says. “Later, I would discover that it was not convenient for her to keep those appointments.” Allen, a husband in Australia, says: “I felt that it was unmanly to consult my wife about things.” He faced a challenge because of his background. It was similar with Dianne, who lives in Britain. She says: “I was used to asking my family for advice. So at first I would consult them and not my husband when making decisions.”

What is the solution?

Remember that Jehovah God views a married couple as being “one flesh.” (Matthew 19:3-6) In his eyes, no other human relationship is more important than the one that exists between husband and wife! To keep that bond strong, good communication is vital.

A husband and wife can learn much by examining the way Jehovah God communicated with Abraham. For example, please read the discussion recorded at Genesis 18:17-33. Note that God honored Abraham in three ways. (1) Jehovah explained what he intended to do. (2) He listened while Abraham explained his views. (3) To the extent possible, Jehovah adapted his course of action to accommodate Abraham. How could you follow the same pattern when you consult with your spouse?

TRY THIS: When discussing matters that will affect your marriage partner, (1) explain how you would like to handle the situation, but present your thoughts as suggestions, not final decisions or ultimatums; (2) ask your spouse to express his or her opinion, and acknowledge your spouse’s right to hold a different viewpoint; and (3) “let your reasonableness become known” by adopting your mate’s preferences whenever possible.—Philippians 4:5.

SKILL 2. LEARN TO BE TACTFUL

What is the challenge?

Depending on your family or cultural background, you might be in the habit of expressing your opinion firmly, even bluntly. For example, Liam, who lives in Europe, says: “Where I come from, people tend to be tactless. My blunt way of expressing myself often upset my wife. I had to learn to be more gentle.”

What is the solution?

Do not assume that your mate wants to be spoken to in the same manner that you are used to. (Philippians 2:3, 4) The counsel that the apostle Paul gave a missionary is also helpful for newlyweds. He wrote: “A slave of the Lord does not need to fight, but needs to be gentle.” In the original Greek, the word that is translated “gentle” can also be rendered “tactful.” (2 Timothy 2:24; footnote) Tact is the ability to discern the delicacy of a situation and to deal with the matter kindly, without causing offense.

TRY THIS: When you are annoyed with your mate, imagine that instead of talking to your spouse, you are conversing with a good friend or with your employer. Would you still use the same tone of voice or choice of words? Then think of reasons why your spouse deserves to be spoken to with even more respect and tact than does your friend or employer.—Colossians 4:6.

SKILL 3. LEARN TO ADAPT TO YOUR NEW ROLES

What is the challenge?

A husband may at first exercise his headship clumsily, or a wife may be unaccustomed to making tactful suggestions. For example, Antonio, a husband in Italy, says: “My father hardly ever consulted my mother about family decisions. So at first, I ruled my family as if I were a monarch.” Debbie, a wife in Canada, says: “I demanded that my husband be tidier. But my bossy approach only seemed to make him more stubborn.”

What is the solution for a husband?

Some husbands confuse what the Bible says about wifely subjection with what it says about the obedience of a child to his parent. (Colossians 3:20; 1 Peter 3:1) However, the Bible says that a husband is to “stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh”; it does not say the same about a parent and a child. (Matthew 19:5) Jehovah describes a wife as a complement, or counterpart, of her husband. (Genesis 2:18) He never refers to a child as being a complement, or counterpart, of a parent. What do you think—if a husband treats his wife like a child, is he honoring the marriage arrangement?

In fact, God’s Word urges you to treat your wife in the same manner that Jesus treats the Christian congregation. You can make it easier for your wife to view you as her head if (1) you do not expect her immediately and flawlessly to express her subjection to you and (2) you love her as you do your own body, even when difficulties arise.—Ephesians 5:25-29.

What is the solution for a wife?

Acknowledge that your husband is now your God-appointed head. (1 Corinthians 11:3) If you honor your husband, you honor God. If you reject his headship, you reveal how you feel not only about your husband but also about God and his requirements.—Colossians 3:18.

When discussing challenging issues, learn to attack the problem—not your husband’s character. Queen Esther, for example, wanted her husband, King Ahasuerus, to correct an injustice. Rather than attack him personally, she expressed herself tactfully. Her husband accepted her suggestion and eventually did the right thing. (Esther 7:1-4; 8:3-8) Your husband is more likely to learn to love you deeply if (1) you allow him time to master his new role as head of a family and (2) you treat him with respect, even when he makes mistakes.—Ephesians 5:33.

TRY THIS: Rather than taking note of ways in which you feel your spouse ought to change, keep a changes-I-need-to-make list. Husbands: When you upset your wife by the way you exercise or fail to exercise your headship, ask her how you can improve, and then write the suggestion down. Wives: When your husband feels that he is not being shown respect, ask him how you can improve, and take note of the suggestion.

Maintain Reasonable Expectations

Learning to maintain a happy, balanced marriage relationship is like learning to ride a bicycle. You expect some tumbles as you gain confidence as a cyclist. Likewise, you should expect to make some embarrassing mistakes as you gain experience in marriage.

Maintain a sense of humor. Take your mate’s concerns seriously, but learn to laugh at your own blunders. Seize opportunities to make your mate rejoice during your first year of marriage. (Deuteronomy 24:5) Above all, allow God’s Word to guide your relationship. If you do, your marriage will grow stronger year after year.

The Bible Saved Our Marriage

Toru and Akiko were in love when they were first married. But only eight months later, this Japanese couple decided to divorce. They relate what happened.

Toru: “I discovered that my wife and I were less compatible than I thought. For example, when we watched TV, I liked sports, but she liked dramas. I liked going out, but she liked staying home.”
Akiko: “Toru did whatever his family asked, but he did not consult with me. I asked him, ‘Who is more important to you, your mother or me?’ Also, I was shocked at how Toru would stretch the truth. I told him that one lie leads to another and that if he didn’t stop, our marriage could not continue.”
Toru: “I became frustrated and asked a senior colleague for advice on how to deal with my wife. ‘Just tell her to shut up,’ he said. ‘If she complains, knock her down.’ One time, I slapped Akiko’s face and turned over the table. There was a big fight, and she left. I had to bring her back from a hotel in Tokyo. Finally, we decided to divorce. As I left home for the office that morning, my wife began packing her things.”
Akiko: “The doorbell rang as I was carrying my bags to the front door. A woman was standing there. She was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I invited her in.”
Toru: “When I arrived at my office, I was having second thoughts about divorce, so I hurried back home. When I arrived, I found Akiko talking to this lady. The lady said to me: ‘You need something that the two of you can do together. Would you like to study the Bible?’ ‘Yes,’ I said, ‘anything that might save our marriage!’”
Akiko: “The lady made arrangements for us to study the Bible. A turning point came when we read the Bible’s description of the marriage arrangement. It says: ‘That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.’”—Genesis 2:24.
Toru: “I got the point right away. I told my parents, ‘From now on, I am going to discuss things with my wife before making decisions.’ I also stopped drinking too much. And when I learned that God hates lies, I tried to speak only the truth.”

Akiko: “I too changed. For example, I used to defy Toru. But when I saw how he was applying Bible principles, I became more supportive of him. (Ephesians 5:22-24) We have been happily married now for over 28 years. We were able to overcome our problems by getting to know each other better and by applying the wise counsel found in the Bible.”

ASK YOURSELF . . .

Have I made my spouse my closest confidant, or do I prefer to consult with others?
Within the last 24 hours, specifically what have I done that shows that I love and respect my spouse?

How to Stop Arguing

THE CHALLENGE

Are you and your spouse unable to discuss things calmly? Does it feel as if you are always walking through a minefield in which any step could set off an explosive dispute?

If so, be assured that things can improve. But first you need to find out why you and your spouse argue so much.

WHY IT HAPPENS

Misunderstandings.

A wife named Jillian * admits: “Sometimes I say something to my husband and it doesn’t come out as I intended. Or I am convinced that I told him something, when I really only dreamed that I told him. That’s actually happened!”

Differences.

No matter how compatible you and your spouse may seem to be, your views on some matters will differ. Why? Because no two people are exactly alike—a fact that can add either variety or tension to marriage. For many couples, the result is tension.

Poor role models.

“My parents argued a lot and made disrespectful comments to each other,” says a wife named Rachel, “so when I got married I talked to my husband the way my mother talked to my father. I had not learned how to show respect.”

Deeper concerns.

Often, a fiery argument is really about something other than the event that ignited it. For example, a dispute that starts with “You’re always late!” may not be about the need for punctuality but about one spouse feeling that he or she has been treated inconsiderately.

Whatever the cause, frequent arguing can adversely affect your health and can even be a predictor of eventual divorce. How, then, can you stop arguing?

WHAT YOU CAN DO

A key to preventing arguments is identifying the underlying issues that fuel them. When things are calm, try the following exercise with your spouse.

1. On separate sheets of paper, each of you should write down the topic of a recent argument. For example, a husband might write, “You spent the whole day with your friends and didn’t call me to tell me where you were.” A wife might write, “You got upset because I spent time with my friends.”

2. With an open mind, discuss the following: Was the matter really that serious? Could it have been overlooked? In some cases, for the sake of peace, it may suffice to agree to disagree and to cover over the matter with love.—Bible principle: Proverbs 17:9.

If you and your spouse conclude that the matter was trivial, apologize to each other and consider it settled.—Bible principle: Colossians 3:13, 14.

If the matter seems more serious to one or both of you, proceed to the next step.

3. Write down how you felt during the argument, and have your spouse do the same. For example, a husband might write, “I felt that you preferred the company of your friends over my company.” A wife might write, “I felt that you were treating me as if I were a child who had to check in with her father.”

4. Swap papers with your spouse, and read each other’s comments. What was your spouse’s deeper concern during the argument? Discuss what each of you could have done differently to address the underlying issues without arguing.—Bible principle: Proverbs 29:11.

5. Discuss what you learned from this exercise. How can you use what you learned to solve or prevent a future argument?